Isn't it funny how gratitude and grief go hand in hand?

Perks

I just discovered that my favorite book from high school has been made into a movie.  I wonder if I'll see it - you always run the risk of the director coloring the book a different way than you do.  But I have to say, it looks nostalgic and lovely.

Time together

We're spending a lot of time together lately.  I have to say, I like it.

It's not that I WANT my blog to die, it's just that my life doesn't consist of much right now.  And that's ok, but it makes it difficult to write about.

Internet Roundup

A lot of the internet browsing I've been doing over the last week is themed, apparently.  I've realized over the last couple of days that I've been exploring women's issues and violence against women via the web.  Here are some of the interesting, powerful, heartbreaking, and inspiring things I've been finding:

• "Rape for Profit" featuring the Seattle-based non-profit, The Genesis Project:


Play RapeForProfit Extended Trailer from RapeForProfitFilm on Vimeo.

• "Dear Daughter" - a powerful letter.

• "A Call to Men" by Tony Porter

• Finally, take 20 minutes to watch this moving and brilliant lecture on the Power of Vulnerability.  Seriously:  

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Epilogue

It's been a while.  Hello.  I finished school about a week ago and haven't quite been sure what to do with myself.  My lovely mom visited for a couple of days and it was great to see her and do girly things together.  Since then I've been doing a lot of walking, a lot of sitting, a lot of looking at the internet, a lot of watching the Today show and Modern Family.  I went to my internship, too.  It's a confusing and disorienting thing.  Not rushing into a job, I have lots of time to sit and be and think.  I don't know if I like it or not, but I keep telling myself (and mostly believing) that it's good for me.  I feel a little depressed.  But that's ok because my school prepared me to feel that way.  Glad they did.  And I'm doing my best just to let it be what it is - not to fight the ambivalence, sadness, lostness, relief, sleepiness, or nothingness.  That may just be what I need.  

When I am celebrating, or when I feel like I deserve to celebrate, I also feel like I deserve to buy everything that I want.  This becomes a problem.

A really good day

Browsed here:

Ate lunch here:

Drank tea, ate a giant cookie, and played a board game here:

Browsed more here: 

And some here:

Went home and started reading this (and couldn't stop laughing):

Did a little of this:

Then had my mind blown by this:

All with the delightful company of my love.

(Photo credits: Seattle Curbed, Belltowner, Thyme Bomb, Flickr, Decor8, Wikipedia, Apartment Therapy) 

Spring and moving on

Just when we all thought that Spring forgot about Seattle - or really the entire Pacific Northwest - we're finally getting a little relief from the cold and rain.  My mom is coming next week and she literally told me she has to "unpack her winter clothes" because she's put them away for the summer already.  The summer that has, yes, begun everywhere else in this country except for the clouds that generally still cover Washington state.  


I finish school in literally four days.  Four.  
That's four days.


I can't tell you how grateful I am for a little bit of sunshine and a little bit of heat (and by heat, I mean breaking 50 degrees) as I enter this next week.  What a flurry of mixed-up-ness.  I am so tired - like a deep, embedded in my bones and soul kind of tired.  I can't wait for the end.  Literally am planning my nothingness for the day after my last day.  T'will be grand.  Yet, I'm sad and scared for it to be over too.  I don't know the world from any other lens than a student!  What will happen to me when I can't get discounts to movies or museums, and I can't use the excuse "I have to study" to get out of awkward situations.  Plus, my graduation is a little anti-climatic: I get my Masters on April 13th, but don't have a big, fancy ceremony until June.  But, I'm not complaining.  I get to be finished and that is a proud, glorious, and exciting thing.  


Now I just have to figure out what the hell I want to do with "M.A." tacked onto my name.  


For your information, if you call or e-mail me asking about my plans after graduation - in particular, my plans for employment - I have none.  The options that sound the best right now (in no particular order) are: florist, interior decorator, ice cream scooper (rekindle that flame from high school), dog/cat/gerbil walker, walker (as in, I get paid to go on walks), house sitter, babysitter (maximum two kids, but only one may be awake at a time), sitter (as in, I get paid to sit on my ass), eater (as in...yea).  I'll keep you posted.

Eleven

More

Days

Senioritis or something

Working on the final assignments of graduate school is the worst.thing.ever.  It's as if I've literally forgotten how to read and write.  I'm illiterate again - age three.  I'm also obstinate and defiant - either a toddler or an angsty adolescent.  Maybe I'm both right now.  


Whatever the hell age I am or feel, doing this final work feels impossible.

am·biv·a·lent

  [am-biv-uh-luhnt]

adjective

1.

having ”mixed feelings about someone or something; beingunable to choose between two (usually opposing) courses of action

2.

Psychology . of or pertaining to the coexistence within anindividual of positive and negative feelings toward the sameperson, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or herin opposite directions.

Caught off guard

Sometimes I cry at the strangest things.  Does this happen to you?  I'm usually most caught off guard by commercials that make me tear up - when I notice the welling that starts in my throat and moves all the way up into my sinuses and tear ducts.  The holiday Folgers commercials, commercials for Disney classics that are going into the Disney vault, and most recently, a commercial for the Great Wolf Lodge.  Yes.  I can't cry with my therapist, but I can tear up over the Great Wolf Lodge.  


Go figure.

Comedy

really helps.

The home stretch

I'm finishing an online class at an undisclosed Christian university on the East Coast today (Thank you, God.  Really, thank you).  Then, I have four weeks left until I receive my Masters.  My Masters.  


"Then what?" you ask?


Great question.  

Let me know what you come up with.

Anyone in NC know this guy?

This video of Tommy Jordan, from Albemarle, NC, went viral about a month ago, now with over 31 million views.  Tommy was interviewed by Dr. Phil and Matt Lauer on the Today Show.  In a recent poll conducted to gauge the public's reactions, 72% of people supported Tommy's decision to publicly scorn his daughter and destroy her laptop.  I'm wondering what your thoughts are.  


Also, here is the link to watch the interview with Tommy, his daughter, Hannah Marie, and his wife on the Today Show.

Sabbath Weekend

For months and months, our Sabbath community has been planning a vacation together in order to get away and sabbath.  Finally, last weekend, our dreams came true as we ventured off to a cabin (the same one that T and I went to almost one year ago) in the snow-covered mountains of Cle Elem to rest, play, eat, drink, be merry, and sleep.  That is what we did.  And danced.

Now I'm fighting a cold.

Pickwick

T and I happened upon this musical gift one night when they were giving a free concert in the record store down the street.  Here they are performing a cappella in the Suzzallo Reading Room at the University of Washington (I've read in this room.  It's amazing.)  What's better than interrupting a bunch of college students while they study?  Galen Disston's voice.

Dive!

Dive! Trailer from Compeller Pictures on Vimeo.

This post is for all of you that have given me grief over the last two years for dumpster diving.  Granted, when I dove almost two and a half years ago, I wasn't aware of the social justice action that I was taking part in.  

For those of you that are completely repulsed by the idea of digging food out of a trash can, take two minutes to watch the trailer for the documentary, Dive!  This film was made by the friends of my friends' friends :)  Not only are they surviving SOLELY off of food that they find in dumpsters, but they are engaging in the broader societal issues of world hunger, political machines, and agribusiness.  Additionally, in my mind, they are also engaging in broader theological issues of stewardship (caring for all of God's creation) with regard to the ways we consume as a culture.  The filmmakers expose the horrific facts on the waste that is produced within the food industry and juxtapose our excess with much of the world's deficit.  In other words, they wrestle with the question, "How is it possible that we can waste so much when so much of the world is going hungry?"

While the idea of dumpster diving as a lifestyle is new to me, these broader issues are precisely the ones that I'm wrestling with in the independent research project that I am involved in at my school.  Two other women and I meet every week over a shared meal and conversation about food, community, and spirituality.  We are supervised by a theology professor.  What a beautiful gift these women have been in my life (and in my marriage) to consider how my food choices reflect so much about my sense of self, community, and creation at large.  

If the trailer is intriguing, I HIGHLY recommend watching the whole film (it's only 50 minutes and it's currently on Netflix Instant!)  It has really sparked some great conversation between T and I with regards to the choices we make, our "food consciousness," and our lifestyle.

Stick it to the man!  Watch Dive!

To love is to risk, to be vulnerable, to be permeable.  To love and be loved is hard, but is there really anything else worth living for?

(Found here).

Ikea and Temple Grandin

I had my very first Ikea shopping experience today and arrived home in a state of utter shock-and-awe.  I wasn't sure what just happened, where I had just come from, or what to make of the entire experience.  My good friend, Michaela, and I left at 10am and arrived home at 2pm; from what I understand, four hours was a reasonably decent amount of time to have walked the two miles through the store.  Wow.  


I'm not sure if I liked it or hated it.  


After watching the one of the latest episodes of 30 Rock, in which Liz Lemon and her boyfriend, Chris, visit an Ikea together, I have to say I was a little nervous to go.  I described the actual building as a "giant, blue skyscraper fallen over on its side."  It was gargantuan.  Mammoth.  Titanic.  


When we went inside, after purchasing our $0.99 lattes, Michaela and I went to the starting line.  It wasn't a race, but it was.  It was so strange.  The tensions were high.  Not between Michaela and I, thankfully, but between every romantically involved couple that made their way through the rat-maze.  On multiple occasions I even overheard women on their cellphones snapping at their husbands/boyfriends/partners who weren't even IN the store about what to buy.  I mean, really, it runs deep.


So, my theory of the freaky Swedish jungle that Ikea has created is that they totally stole Temple Grandin's idea for moving livestock - err - people.  

Livestock have wide angle vision....Loading ramps and handling chutes should have solid side walls to prevent animals from seeing distractions outside the chute with their wide angle vision. Moving objects and people seen through the sides of a chute can cause balking or frighten livestock. Solid side walls are especially important if animals are not completely tame or they are unaccustomed to the facility. Blocking vision will stop escape attempts. This is why a solid portable panel is so effective for handling pigs. Sight restriction will lower stress levels. The wildest cow will remain calm in a darkened artificial...box which completely blocks vision. (Found here).

Just like this:

"Checkout" is right.

Ending...
                 Beginning...

Ikat

The cool-kids' version of tye-dye:

Ikat, or Ikkat, is a dyeing technique used to pattern textiles that employs a resist dyeing process similar to tie-dye on either the warp or weft fibres.
Bindings, which resist dye penetration, are applied to the threads in the desired patterns and the threads are dyed. Alteration of the bindings and the dyeing of more than one color produce elaborate, multicolored patterns. When all of the dyeing is finished the bindings are removed and the threads are ready to be woven into cloth.
The defining characteristic of ikat is the dyeing of patterns, by means of bindings, into the threads before cloth construction, the weaving of the fabric, takes place. Herein lies the difference between ikat and tie-dye. In tie-dye the fabric is woven first and the resist bindings are then applied to the fabric which is dyed.

(Images found here, here, and here.)

Study Buddy

Whitney

A little story...

We had roughly four incredible days of weather in Seattle this past week: sunshine, only a light jacket needed, and lots of walking instead of driving.  On one of the days that I had class, I wanted to take advantage of the bit of good weather and read outside in the Sculpture Park before sitting inside in front of a computer for several hours.  So, I settled down on this bench overlooking the Olympic Mountains, Elliott Bay, and the train tracks.  I read a bit, watched some of the pedestrians and runners going by, and enjoyed the warm sun.  While I'm trying to concentrate, I overheard the conversation of a gentleman on the phone.  I turned around to see a man in his mid-50s, wearing rolled-up khakis and a bright red windbreaker walking a bright teal bicycle down the gravel sidewalk with a vintage suitcase strapped to the back, talking on his bluetooth.  It was an odd combination of things to exist all at once.  The conversation he was having seemed even more strange; though I didn't get many of the details, I heard snippets like, "Well, that's wisdom honey...We know you stole it..."  He sounded heated.  I went back to reading.  Then, low and behold a few minutes later, I hear trumpet-music.  I look up.  It's the guy.  He's in the corner of the park with the vintage suitcase open on a wall, playing old church hymns on his trumpet and smoking a cigar.  A cigar!  I literally laughed out loud.  And it was some of the most beautiful music I'd ever heard!  He played about seven or eight songs, packed up his trumpet, and walked his bike back down the path - cigar in hand.

I recorded some for you.

In case you didn't know - I love this city.

Found here.

Today: grateful for a mama that encourages me to follow my dreams - even if they don't make a lot of sense.

“From my experience, you can’t wait around to find what you love. You gotta work your ass off. And then you find what you love by doing piles and piles of work.”
                                                                        - Kate Bingaman Burt 

Today, grateful for mountains, sunshine, natural light, toast with lots of butter, my cat's furriness, solitude.

The soul is like a wild animal - tough, resilient, savvy, self-sufficient, and yet exceedingly shy.  If we want to see a wild animal, the last thing we should do is to go crashing through the woods, shouting for the creature to come out.  But if we are willing to walk quietly into the woods and sit silently for an hour or two at the base of a tree, the creature we are waiting for may well emerge, and out of the corner of an eye we will catch a glimpse of the precious wildness we seek.

- Parker Palmer, Let your Life Speak

I'll speak for myself and say that I am OBSESSED with this design/furniture/decor duo, Nightwood.  T showed me their site and I absolutely fell in love.  We both said, though, that we've decided we want to do what they do forever: giving dead materials new life by making beautiful, functional creations.

(All images from their site).

"Snow never fails to please."

I agree.

Sludge and ice, however, fail every time.

Snowpocalypse 2k12

It snowed again.  In Seattle.  The local news station is calling it "Winter Extreme."  You may remember the snow fiasco that we had a little over a year ago when Car-mageddon hit the city: SUVs and sedans alike were strewn all over sidewalks and tossed to the bottom of icy streets.  This year, we seem to be doing a bit better.  We have yet to see much sliding, but there has been much sledding.  We got about four or five inches of snow, which is a lot for Seattle proper; the surrounding towns, however, up in the mountains got upwards of 15 inches of snow! 15!  That's crazy I tell you.


When it snows in Seattle, people go a little nuts.  It's kind of the same, freakishly happy smile as when the first warm day of summer hits Seattle.  Everyone waves and smiles at one another, conjures up small talk on the street, and comes up with the most creative ways of spending their time outside.  Seattle is known for its passive-aggressive, no-eye-contact folk, so it's a little odd.  What's even more odd is what we saw sledding down Queen Anne Hill.


Queen Anne is the neighborhood that we live in an is known for having one of the notoriously steep hills in the city.  It didn't take long for it to close to vehicles this morning.  It's also known to be one of the best sledding spots because people know that it will inevitably close to cars, it's incredibly steep, and incredibly long (any of you who have visited T and I can attest to all of that).  With no sledding devices in hand, T and I hiked up to the hill because Queen Anne sledding is definitely a worthwhile spectator sport.  Boy, it didn't let us down this year.

 Inches.

 Outfit.

 Love.

 Mattress.

 Unexpected.

Also unexpected.

Found here.

Obsessed.

How do you mark important days?  Milestones?  Anniversaries?  I'm sure it depends on the occasion.  It does for me.  This morning, I'm thinking of how I want to mark the first day of my last term of classes at The Seattle School.  Today marks the beginning of the end.  But it also marks just...a beginning.  The beginning of a completely knew, and what is sure to be surprising, chapter in my life.  I've been a student for almost twenty solid years; I'm not quite sure what to expect out of life without papers to write, stacks of books to read, maxing out my mental and emotional capacities, and hours in front of a computer screen.  The life I know ends in three and a half months.  More than that, however, more than just my identity as a student changing in April, this marks a great shift in this big journey that I'm on.  A journey that started in Chapel Hill, NC and brought me all the way across the country to this tiny little school.  A part of my journey that has shaped me in inexplicable ways and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.


Important days deserve a little extra attention.  So today, as I walk through the doors for class, I will be mindful of all that these last two and a half years have held, as well as all that is and may be before me.

My last read of the break.  I'm in the middle of it.  It's different [writing style, subject matter], but I think I really, really like it.  A good friend gave it to me for Christmas and, if nothing else, I love sharing in my friend's worlds.

“Sometimes you’re loved because of your weaknesses. 

What you can’t do is sometimes more compelling than what you can.”

Another 365 days

It's hard to believe we've arrived at 2012.  I hope you have some major plans on your calendars for this year because, according to the Mayans, this is it.  T and I decided on a whim to make a little trip out of our New Years weekend since we didn't have any big plans.  We booked a room at the Downtown Hotel in Port Angeles and drove the two and a half hours up to the Olympic Peninsula to ring in the new year.  It was a short trip, but a nice one with (way) too much good food.  We hopped in and out of antique shops, spent some time in a candy store, and ate two, yes two dinners.  Since we couldn't get a reservation at our restaurant of choice, Michael's, until 8:45, we had a little pre-dinner dinner at Downrigger's around 4, which overlooked the water.  Dinner number one at Downrigger's was odd - our waitress obviously had some personal d.r.a.m.a. getting in the way of her job performance, so we had a sufficiently awkward experience.  Dinner number two was amazing.

This photo of Port Angeles Downtown Hotel is courtesy of TripAdvisor

 Appetizer: Baked oysters with bacon, spinach, and basil 

aioli

 Entree: Traditional paella for two (local seafood, shellfish,

chicken, and Linguica sausage on a bed of crisped rice)

Dessert: NYE specialty chocolate tower cake with 

layers of strawberry filling, atop a vanilla custard

with a scoop of homemade raspberry ice-cream

We don't do it often, but we do it right.  Since our reservation was so late, we sort of hoped to last at Michael's until midnight.  After we downed all that food, however, the only thing that sounded good was heading back to our hotel room to change into "stretchy pants."  So we watched fireworks at the Space Needle from our hotel TV, and hoped that Jazzy wasn't freaking out at home.  (When we arrived home today, we found out that instead of freaking out about fireworks, Jazzy freaked out about being locked in our linen closet the entire time we were gone.  Oops.  We gave her lots of love and hugs to make up for it). 

As I glanced back at my New Years post 365 days ago, I reflect on 2011 and the surprises that it held for me as I imagined what it would look like on that first day of January.  So many hopes realized and so many hopes lost last year.  There were wonderful, beautiful, and joyous surprises last year, and there were also painful, dark, and heavy surprises too.  I can tell as I sit here, anticipating yet another year to come, that the last 365 days have really shaped me.  They have rocked me.  In some ways, they have made me hard and cynical.  I can tell that I don't have the same kind of boundless hope, nor do I care to even think about resolutions in the same way that I did on January 1st, 2011.  Some ideas, some relationships, some dreams don't have the same shimmer as they once may have.  While it may sound unpleasant, and it is, I am also grateful for how 2011 stretched me and will continue to.  The conversations that I have with my supervisor at my internship often circle around the "growing up" that I'm in the middle of doing.  Part of growing up is losing the innocence that we all know and desire: the starry eyed hope in the goodness of people and the world, the belief in Santa and the tooth fairy, unbridled trust and loyalty even in the midst of betrayal.  It's sad to me that often times growing up means losing some of these things.  I can also tell, however, that my growing this year has made me particularly strong and feel particularly empowered, despite my many moments of feeling the complete absence of these things.  

It's love and loss.  It's hope and cynicism.  

It's trust and doubt.  It's joy and grief.

This year is big: graduation and new jobs are in my future.  There is much to anticipate, much to hope for, much to dream of.  There is much growing to do.  Here's to 2012 being a good one whether it's the last one or not.