First-Hand Inspiration

I just got home from an awe-inspiring Marriage & Family class. Today, a couple that one of our professors has been working with for over three years came in to dialogue about their story and their experiences in therapy. Unfortunately, due to confidentiality limitations, I can't share too much of what took place in class today, but it was truly an honor to be in their presence. Not only did I feel inspired as a future therapist, but also as a future wife.

They were indeed a rare couple in the way that they have chosen to fight for their marriage despite some deep, deep wounding. Most couples, I have learned, are absolutely not willing to put in the work that it takes not only to keep a marriage in tact, but neither to hope for the glory that can come out of a marriage.

I have been learning so much about what to expect out of marriage - again, as a future therapist and also as a future wife. Most encouraging has been shifting my definition of expectation to be an invitation to glory and intimacy rather than a requirement to fulfill a particular role.

It was an invaluable experience to hear this couple's experience of how they came to therapy, what it was like for them, and to have their therapist in the room - our professor - to reflect on his experience of them as well. The couple shared what they appreciated about Steve: his willingness to address difficult things, that they both felt like he was their advocate and did not take sides, he was honest yet gentle, he shined a positive light on difficult things, and that he was Christ to them rather than preached at them.

I want to be that kind of therapist. I want to hear and see people for who they really are rather than to assume and offer empty, hopeless help.

I want to be that kind of spouse. I want to hear and see T for who he really is, to fight for him and invite him into the potential that I know he holds.

Tell the tale of a retail employee

Today was a big first for me. As a Bridal Consultant at the BB&B, today was the first registry that I created that met all of the goals I am aiming for - item amounts, dollar amounts, etc. Victory! A small one, but a victory nonetheless. Working in retail is a weird experience while I'm in grad school for counseling. Often times, I am so thankful that I chose grad school right after college so that I'm not stuck in retail for the rest of my life; I look around and can say, with hope, "I won't be doing this forever." On the other hand, it's hard not to get caught up in the easiness of it. I come in, do the same thing every day, don't think much, and get paid for it. My managers do basically the same things as I do, get more crap from corporate, and get paid a hell of a lot more than me. They can buy and do whatever they want! Who wouldn't want that life?

As I'm doing work in my practicum, writing papers, and sitting in class, I am learning how freaking hard the therapeutic work is. Sitting in the therapist's chair sends me on a roller-coaster of experience. I become very well aware of my inadequacy, my insecurity, my selfishness, and my haughtiness. I feel helpless, stupid, powerless, and purposeless. I mean, who I am to think that I deserve money to listen to someone and give naive, broken suggestions on how to achieve a higher quality of life? Who am I to give hope while I often feel hopeless? Who am I to think that I can handle someone else's deep shame and pain, the kind that they can only share with a stranger that they pay?

I just finished a book for pleasure (Yes, I have been reading for pleasure in the midst of all this! It's so great!) written by Mary Pipher called "Letters to a Young Therapist." Honestly I don't know why this book isn't given to us on the first day of school. It's just page after page of honest, down-to-earth, warm encouragement. It has been such a delight to walk through this short book with a therapist of such wisdom. So I wanted to share an excerpt from the last chapter, a passage of many that was truly inspiring to continue with this work. A reminder that I really do want to do this, and that it's totally worth it.

"Therapists cannot eliminate sickness, death, bullies, financial scandals, mean-spirited coworkers, or unforgiving kin. But we are not helpless....We can spin a web of stories or help them make a careful decision. We can suggest they watch a sunset, cuddle a baby, or dance under cottonwoods....

We therapists are small potatoes, but we are connected to an ancient and beautiful idea. Since time began, humans have needed humans have needed shamans, curanderos, and tribal healers. We have implored each other for help exorcising our demons. Since the beginning we have asked the same questions - Am I safe? Am I important? Am I forgiven? Am I lovable? ...

Simply put, [therapy is] a way of paying attention, which is the purest form of love. One of the Shavano Principles of Spiritual Activism is, 'Do not insulate yourself from the pain of the world.' The text reads, 'When we open ourselves to the pain of the world, we become the medicine that heals the world.'"

With all of the pain and heartache of this process, with all of the crashing humility it brings, there is no greater work than this. To come alongside someone in all of their suffering, anger, shame, and trauma; to come alongside someone and walk with them through all of it is certainly a gift.

Common

(From the MHGS journey through the Lenten season)

Common:

May we spot Eden in the corner of our kitchen cupboards.

May be we surprised by Jesus sitting with us in our boring, usual shame.

May we delight at being mundane.

May we drink wine from cracked cups and find love in our cracked hearts.

May we find home after our daily wages are spent.

May our dirty boots become dancing shoes.

May we be fervent for the day when we can kick our patchwork wedding clothes to the floor and know our common God.

March Madness

[Like the new layout? I thought the ol' blog could use a makeover in hopes of making me more excited to update it. We'll see how that works out.]

Too bad this phrase doesn't apply to the current UNC basketball status, right? We don't need to go there.

Instead, I'm talking life. Five papers and two final exams in the next three weeks. Oh, and have I mentioned the five papers I have turned in over the past two weeks? That's right: madness.

Although we're not doing quite as much "introspective" work per se this term, I feel a lot heavier now than I remember feeling at the end of last term. Tensions feel higher and the weight of it all feels more difficult to carry. Although I don't have quite as many suitcases this time around, it's as if the ones I do have have been packed fuller.

The cool thing is that I can feel myself leaning into this difficulty, into the work. I'm used to just shutting down when things get hard or just when I feel overwhelmed with work. I just shut down and turn on autopilot to get me across the finish line. But I'm trying my damnedest to keep my head in the game; to remember that this education is not just about the grade, not just about the work or even the degree. I could have stayed in North Carolina and gotten a degree really easily, avoiding all of this internal exposure crap. But I didn't uproot my life just to get a degree. This is worth so much more, so much more is at stake. When I can remember that, as I'm yawning through long shifts at the triple-B or staying up to write yet another paper, I can actually feel a push. A push toward something greater, more significant than just a diploma in a frame.

Let me tell you though, it's so much easier said than done. But it's possible.