Tell the tale of a retail employee

Today was a big first for me. As a Bridal Consultant at the BB&B, today was the first registry that I created that met all of the goals I am aiming for - item amounts, dollar amounts, etc. Victory! A small one, but a victory nonetheless. Working in retail is a weird experience while I'm in grad school for counseling. Often times, I am so thankful that I chose grad school right after college so that I'm not stuck in retail for the rest of my life; I look around and can say, with hope, "I won't be doing this forever." On the other hand, it's hard not to get caught up in the easiness of it. I come in, do the same thing every day, don't think much, and get paid for it. My managers do basically the same things as I do, get more crap from corporate, and get paid a hell of a lot more than me. They can buy and do whatever they want! Who wouldn't want that life?

As I'm doing work in my practicum, writing papers, and sitting in class, I am learning how freaking hard the therapeutic work is. Sitting in the therapist's chair sends me on a roller-coaster of experience. I become very well aware of my inadequacy, my insecurity, my selfishness, and my haughtiness. I feel helpless, stupid, powerless, and purposeless. I mean, who I am to think that I deserve money to listen to someone and give naive, broken suggestions on how to achieve a higher quality of life? Who am I to give hope while I often feel hopeless? Who am I to think that I can handle someone else's deep shame and pain, the kind that they can only share with a stranger that they pay?

I just finished a book for pleasure (Yes, I have been reading for pleasure in the midst of all this! It's so great!) written by Mary Pipher called "Letters to a Young Therapist." Honestly I don't know why this book isn't given to us on the first day of school. It's just page after page of honest, down-to-earth, warm encouragement. It has been such a delight to walk through this short book with a therapist of such wisdom. So I wanted to share an excerpt from the last chapter, a passage of many that was truly inspiring to continue with this work. A reminder that I really do want to do this, and that it's totally worth it.

"Therapists cannot eliminate sickness, death, bullies, financial scandals, mean-spirited coworkers, or unforgiving kin. But we are not helpless....We can spin a web of stories or help them make a careful decision. We can suggest they watch a sunset, cuddle a baby, or dance under cottonwoods....

We therapists are small potatoes, but we are connected to an ancient and beautiful idea. Since time began, humans have needed humans have needed shamans, curanderos, and tribal healers. We have implored each other for help exorcising our demons. Since the beginning we have asked the same questions - Am I safe? Am I important? Am I forgiven? Am I lovable? ...

Simply put, [therapy is] a way of paying attention, which is the purest form of love. One of the Shavano Principles of Spiritual Activism is, 'Do not insulate yourself from the pain of the world.' The text reads, 'When we open ourselves to the pain of the world, we become the medicine that heals the world.'"

With all of the pain and heartache of this process, with all of the crashing humility it brings, there is no greater work than this. To come alongside someone in all of their suffering, anger, shame, and trauma; to come alongside someone and walk with them through all of it is certainly a gift.