And so it begins

First afternoon of summer break and I have decided to start in on one of my goals - a book a week.  Today, however, I decided that since it was the middle of the week, it would be a perfect week to finish a book that I started several months ago: Anne Lamott's Traveling Mercies.  Here is an excerpt I read today, on family photos:

There are pictures of the people in my family where we look like the most awkward and desperate folk you ever saw, poster children for the human condition.  But I like that, when who we are shows.  Everything is usually so masked or perfumed or disguised in the world, and it's so touching when you get to see something real and human. I think that's why most of us stay close to our families, no matter how neurotic the members, how deeply annoying or dull - because when people have seen you at your worst, you don't have to put on the mask as much.  And that gives us license to try on that radical hat of liberation, the hat of self-acceptance; we're allowed to escape from underneath one of the fatwas.

Amen. I love her.  So wise (and SO hilarious).  Interestingly enough I think someone told me recently that I have a writing style like Anne Lamott.  It was one of the biggest compliments I've ever received.  But the more I think about it, I think I may have dreamed it.  Either way, I think that's important to pay attention to: the fact that being compared to Anne Lamott is (or would be, if it were real) one of the biggest compliments I could ever receive.

Here's to anticipating...

 (Yes, this is actually in Washington; it's called Ruby Beach)

...summer break!

Self-Care Goals

Goals for this summer (so far):

• Read a book a week - FOR PLEASURE!  Although, sometimes pleasure books can be school/psychology/therapy related (I think that's a good thing)
• Cook one new recipe a week
• Go to AT LEAST one concert
• Be active!

I'm still writing my paper - can you tell I'm now in fantasy-procrastination mode???

The procrastination the devil made

I want to retract an earlier statement.  When I said that getting an extension on a paper is "never bad news," that was a lie.  It can be extremely bad news when the paper is due a week after you've finished your last class and you want nothing more than to be using your brain to concentrate on magazines and trashy television.  Meaning: I don't want to use my brain at all.  I have a final paper due Wednesday, that I've taken MAYBE two pages of notes for, and I just can't make it happen.  


This is a different kind of procrastination than the one I spoke of a few weeks ago.  Oh, this is a monster.  This kind of procrastination is an uncontrollable, volatile force that can swallow me whole.  This procrastination taunts me with food, causing me to eat anything and everything that my pantry contains in a split second.  This procrastination is the carpel tunnel in my fingers and wrists from being on the computer for hours, even days, and still having nothing to show for it.  Ohhh, this procrastination is the worst kind of evil.  It sweeps in, unexpectedly, until I have wasted every last moment doing nothing, when I've had all the time in the world.  This procrastination stabs me straight in the heart when my classmates tell me, "I finished the paper in one sitting.  It just took a couple hours."   

It's nice to have company when I'm writing papers.

And literally, as I typed this out, Jazzy jumped off the couch.  Dadgum.  Never predictable!

I am so tired.

eth-ik pt. 2

Today was our final Ethics class; it felt like being birthed into blinding daylight from the dark, warm comfort of a womb.  So grateful, but so terrified.  Here are some quotes I am left chewing on and metabolizing:

Yesterday I met a whole man.  It is a rare experience, but always an illuminating and ennobling one.  It costs so much to be a full human being that there are very few who have the enlightenment, or the courage, to pay the price…one has to abandon altogether the search for security, and reach out to the risk of living with both arms.  One has to embrace the world like a lover, and yet demand no easy return of love.  One has to accept pain as a condition of existence.  One has to court doubt and darkness as the cost of knowing.  One needs a will stubborn in conflict, but apt always to the total acceptance of every consequence of living and dying. – Morris West

Jewish wisdom sanctions the yearning, even ennobles it, at the same time teaching that there is no meaning: only a kind of dance between meaning and ambiguity; understanding and misunderstanding; faith and doubt; essence and no-essence.  And the more joyous the dance, the richer and more holy the life.     – Irwin Kula

Doubt is a prerequisite for any meaningful journey. – Irwin Kula

Please read those.  Maybe close your eyes for ten seconds after you read each one.  They are so beautiful. 

Still working on this burden of a paper - trying to articulate my personal/professional ethic. Trying not to feel completely overwhelmed.  Trying to figure out what words, coherent words, I have to articulate my hopes, fears, dreams, ambivalence, paralysis, terror, responsibility, helplessness, naivete, childlike enthusiasm of going into this work.  

US Open Wrap-Up

First of all, my US Open wardrobe (all shirts provided by Polo, with the US Open 2011 logo in the corner):

Sunday: I had enough energy to attempt looking cute.

Hair scarf, skinny black pants, and TOMS.  I got some

weird looks on the golf course - I think I looked a little

too Seattle for their liking.

 Monday: Didn't know these shorts had gotten too big

so I was hiking them up all day because there are no 

belt loops.  Also, the navy shirt has a kelly green collar.  

 Tuesday: Hadn't washed my hair in 4 days.  I didn't have

strands left, it was just one big chunk of greasy hair.  I had the

potential to make this look cute, but I was freezing all day and

had become very fatigued at this point.  Light pink shirt

and olive colored skirt; I was worried that the skirt wasn't close

enough to my knees and that I would get in trouble on the golf course.

Wednesday: Last day on the course - can you tell?  First of

all, these pants look like culottes and I'm giving them away 

after realizing that on this trip.  The Carolina blue polo

was a highlight of my week until I put it on - not flattering; 

hence, the jacket over top.  

Thursday: sight-seeing with Blaire, Thomas, and Grandma Gornik

 Little T taking photos of Lincoln.  He was REALLY into

good ol' Abe - he kept saying that Abe should be on the 

dime instead of the penny because he's worth more than a penny.

Ha!

 Just the spot where MLK Jr. gave the "I have a dream" speech.

No big deal.

 Little T and Blaire

 Just walking

 Me, Little T, and Blaire in front of the Washington Monument.

Family photos like this seem to always look a bit awkward.

 WWII Memorial

 A little metro

 Coming out of the "bowels of the earth" as Grandma G

called it.

Loved these signs.

So that's all the photos from the week.  I already posted about my travel traumas so you can just know that I am finally home and REALLY happy about it.  The weather in Seattle is awful and I don't care.  Also, I found out that one of my final papers was pushed back a few days later than I thought - never bad news.  

Last night, I couldn't hold my eyes open past 8 o'clock; literally it felt like I was on drugs.  I couldn't walk straight or stand up easily; I was quite wobbly.  I went to bed and woke up around 6am.  Not ideal, but whatever.  It was so nice to sleep in my own bed in my city in my apartment with my hubby and my kitty.