First-Hand Inspiration

I just got home from an awe-inspiring Marriage & Family class. Today, a couple that one of our professors has been working with for over three years came in to dialogue about their story and their experiences in therapy. Unfortunately, due to confidentiality limitations, I can't share too much of what took place in class today, but it was truly an honor to be in their presence. Not only did I feel inspired as a future therapist, but also as a future wife.

They were indeed a rare couple in the way that they have chosen to fight for their marriage despite some deep, deep wounding. Most couples, I have learned, are absolutely not willing to put in the work that it takes not only to keep a marriage in tact, but neither to hope for the glory that can come out of a marriage.

I have been learning so much about what to expect out of marriage - again, as a future therapist and also as a future wife. Most encouraging has been shifting my definition of expectation to be an invitation to glory and intimacy rather than a requirement to fulfill a particular role.

It was an invaluable experience to hear this couple's experience of how they came to therapy, what it was like for them, and to have their therapist in the room - our professor - to reflect on his experience of them as well. The couple shared what they appreciated about Steve: his willingness to address difficult things, that they both felt like he was their advocate and did not take sides, he was honest yet gentle, he shined a positive light on difficult things, and that he was Christ to them rather than preached at them.

I want to be that kind of therapist. I want to hear and see people for who they really are rather than to assume and offer empty, hopeless help.

I want to be that kind of spouse. I want to hear and see T for who he really is, to fight for him and invite him into the potential that I know he holds.

Tell the tale of a retail employee

Today was a big first for me. As a Bridal Consultant at the BB&B, today was the first registry that I created that met all of the goals I am aiming for - item amounts, dollar amounts, etc. Victory! A small one, but a victory nonetheless. Working in retail is a weird experience while I'm in grad school for counseling. Often times, I am so thankful that I chose grad school right after college so that I'm not stuck in retail for the rest of my life; I look around and can say, with hope, "I won't be doing this forever." On the other hand, it's hard not to get caught up in the easiness of it. I come in, do the same thing every day, don't think much, and get paid for it. My managers do basically the same things as I do, get more crap from corporate, and get paid a hell of a lot more than me. They can buy and do whatever they want! Who wouldn't want that life?

As I'm doing work in my practicum, writing papers, and sitting in class, I am learning how freaking hard the therapeutic work is. Sitting in the therapist's chair sends me on a roller-coaster of experience. I become very well aware of my inadequacy, my insecurity, my selfishness, and my haughtiness. I feel helpless, stupid, powerless, and purposeless. I mean, who I am to think that I deserve money to listen to someone and give naive, broken suggestions on how to achieve a higher quality of life? Who am I to give hope while I often feel hopeless? Who am I to think that I can handle someone else's deep shame and pain, the kind that they can only share with a stranger that they pay?

I just finished a book for pleasure (Yes, I have been reading for pleasure in the midst of all this! It's so great!) written by Mary Pipher called "Letters to a Young Therapist." Honestly I don't know why this book isn't given to us on the first day of school. It's just page after page of honest, down-to-earth, warm encouragement. It has been such a delight to walk through this short book with a therapist of such wisdom. So I wanted to share an excerpt from the last chapter, a passage of many that was truly inspiring to continue with this work. A reminder that I really do want to do this, and that it's totally worth it.

"Therapists cannot eliminate sickness, death, bullies, financial scandals, mean-spirited coworkers, or unforgiving kin. But we are not helpless....We can spin a web of stories or help them make a careful decision. We can suggest they watch a sunset, cuddle a baby, or dance under cottonwoods....

We therapists are small potatoes, but we are connected to an ancient and beautiful idea. Since time began, humans have needed humans have needed shamans, curanderos, and tribal healers. We have implored each other for help exorcising our demons. Since the beginning we have asked the same questions - Am I safe? Am I important? Am I forgiven? Am I lovable? ...

Simply put, [therapy is] a way of paying attention, which is the purest form of love. One of the Shavano Principles of Spiritual Activism is, 'Do not insulate yourself from the pain of the world.' The text reads, 'When we open ourselves to the pain of the world, we become the medicine that heals the world.'"

With all of the pain and heartache of this process, with all of the crashing humility it brings, there is no greater work than this. To come alongside someone in all of their suffering, anger, shame, and trauma; to come alongside someone and walk with them through all of it is certainly a gift.

Common

(From the MHGS journey through the Lenten season)

Common:

May we spot Eden in the corner of our kitchen cupboards.

May be we surprised by Jesus sitting with us in our boring, usual shame.

May we delight at being mundane.

May we drink wine from cracked cups and find love in our cracked hearts.

May we find home after our daily wages are spent.

May our dirty boots become dancing shoes.

May we be fervent for the day when we can kick our patchwork wedding clothes to the floor and know our common God.

March Madness

[Like the new layout? I thought the ol' blog could use a makeover in hopes of making me more excited to update it. We'll see how that works out.]

Too bad this phrase doesn't apply to the current UNC basketball status, right? We don't need to go there.

Instead, I'm talking life. Five papers and two final exams in the next three weeks. Oh, and have I mentioned the five papers I have turned in over the past two weeks? That's right: madness.

Although we're not doing quite as much "introspective" work per se this term, I feel a lot heavier now than I remember feeling at the end of last term. Tensions feel higher and the weight of it all feels more difficult to carry. Although I don't have quite as many suitcases this time around, it's as if the ones I do have have been packed fuller.

The cool thing is that I can feel myself leaning into this difficulty, into the work. I'm used to just shutting down when things get hard or just when I feel overwhelmed with work. I just shut down and turn on autopilot to get me across the finish line. But I'm trying my damnedest to keep my head in the game; to remember that this education is not just about the grade, not just about the work or even the degree. I could have stayed in North Carolina and gotten a degree really easily, avoiding all of this internal exposure crap. But I didn't uproot my life just to get a degree. This is worth so much more, so much more is at stake. When I can remember that, as I'm yawning through long shifts at the triple-B or staying up to write yet another paper, I can actually feel a push. A push toward something greater, more significant than just a diploma in a frame.

Let me tell you though, it's so much easier said than done. But it's possible.

Sweet T and Sweet Seattle

We had a full visit but somehow it wasn't too full. We relaxed a lot and spent really good time together. We looked for apartments, had a fun visit to Target, played some frisbee, went to dinner IN a movie theater (and saw The Usual Suspects which was awesome), we grilled dinner on a beach, and went park-hopping. Luckily, every day that he was here the weather was absolutely perfect - mid-50s and sunny. These pictures are just from our last day when we went to Kerry Park and Discovery Park. We had such a great visit and, of course, it was so hard to see him go again.

One of the best views of the city - Kerry Park in Queen Anne.

Mt. Rainier from Kerry Park

What a charmer.

I love this one of us at Kerry Park.

Then we went on to Discovery Park which is on the western side of the city. It's a park full of hiking trails and beautiful beaches. This is T! In a tree!

So precious on the North Shore

Flexing on the beach. Typical.

Beautiful beach

I was having a talk with a rock

A rock I found that sea barnacles had grown on

Delicious crab
These guys were everywhere - paddling on surfboards

It's sunny! He's digging for shells

Our collection of shells

So many seagulls!

He's so handsome...

And I am so strong...Like Zeus with my lightening bolt.

Fierce in a teepee

Jumping on rocks

Admiring the splendor

T really likes this photo of me - he did a good job snapping shots

This is what we saw after we finished collecting a billion shells...good thing to note.

Stunning view of Mt. Rainier from the South Shore

The doctor is [in]

Our practicum format this term is different than it was in the Fall. While we still continue to meet for two hours a week with the same group of peers and leaders as we did last term, we have an additional component this time around. Added to our practicum agenda is another weekly, two hour meeting in "quads" - we meet with three peers from our practicum group. During this time, we participate in counseling each other. Madness!

Today was my quad's first meeting. How it works is this: we commit to counseling one of the students in that group for the rest of the semester, however, you cannot counsel the person that will counsel you. During our two hours, two pairs of client/counselors have one session each (for 30-40 minutes) and the other two students observe the session and then give feedback to the student who was the counselor. The next week, the other two pairs of client/counselors have one session each and receive feedback. Therefore, it works out that I will counsel the same student six times this term.

Not only was today the first time our quad met, but I actually ended up doing my first session as a counselor as well. It was so terrifying! My Practicum Facilitator put it well: the first few times are like being in a golf lesson and trying to remember all of the things your instructor told you to do when you get up to the tee - straighten your elbow, bend your knees, turn with your shoulders, use your wrists... When you approach the tee, though, it's almost impossible to remember all of that information while trying to actually perform well! I definitely was aware of this while our session was in progress today - I had a million things going through my mind about what I should or should not do, my body language, how awkward it was, what my observers were thinking, and how I was probably a failure of a counselor.

It's just amazing how different it is to talk so conceptually about a therapeutic encounter than to actually experience a therapeutic encounter. This is one of the things I love so much about Mars Hill is how hands-on it is. How better to learn than to just do? Then to get feedback on what you did? What a concept! And not only do we get immediate feedback from our peers during the two hours, but we also are required to record the sessions in which we counsel someone and then playback a part of the session for our one-on-one meetings with our Practicum Facilitators! While, yes, it's absolutely terrifying and humiliating, I can only imagine how wonderfully invaluable this learning process will be.

Another different component of this term's practicum is that we have to counsel someone in front of our big practicum group - about 10 people - twice. And for whatever reason, I volunteered to be one of the first two to do it next week. So I will have a "session" with one of my peers while my entire practicum group observes, and will then give me feedback. It sounds so crazy - and it is!

Jet lag is a beeotch

It's 7:15 and I've already been up for over an hour. I went to bed around 8:30 last night. Time zones are from the devil. So why not make the best of the situation and blog, right?

FYI, my classes for this upcoming semester are as follows:

• First Year Practicum II (meeting with the same leader and group as last semester but with a different format)
• New Testament Genre
• Marriage and Family
• History and Therapeutic Perspectives

Another FYI, I got straight A's in my first semester of grad school - HUZZAH! (Well, two A-minuses but who's counting? You better not be...) Below are a couple of pictures I took from the all-nighter that my roomies and I pulled before our last papers were due:

The picnic that Dana and I set up in my room

The healthy snacks we made to keep us awake (accompanied by several cups of coffee and, later, cereal): apples, cheese, and bananas. Yum!

I am certainly starting off this semester (and this year) with high hopes. High hopes for continued good grades, for keeping my sanity, for learning to better communicate long-distance (especially with T), and for more joy. After all, I am getting married this year!!! You should look at our wedding website - it's coming along: http://kelseyandt.com/

I'm starting this year off feeling encouraged. T and I had a wonderful meeting with our pastor over the Christmas holidays that was really affirming and reassuring. He pointed out that we have come over such a difficult mountain in our relationship because of how difficult graduate school is for the student and how it can take such a toll on a relationship. Tim told us that during his seminary years, he was astounded at the amount of couples that broke up during their first semester of classes. So, it felt really good to actually hear someone say, "What you guys are doing is hard - really hard. But you've passed through one of the toughest parts." To hear someone acknowledge our challenges as being great (because they certainly felt that way) was comforting. I feel so much more at peace starting this semester because I know that we have done it once; I feel more prepared and more at ease. But I am certainly counting the days till the wedding!

So, maybe jet-lag isn't such a beeotch. Although I think I'd rather be sleeping right now, I've been able to lay in bed and reflect on what the past semester has meant and what the next one promises to bring. There is no way of knowing much because my expectations for last semester were twisted and reshaped, but just to have the expectation of something great, something hopeful, is enough.

One for Christmas!

So, I took pictures before Christmas of our house and the MHGS Christmas party that I have yet to post. I figured Jan. 1st, 2010 was the perfect day to do it - starting the new year off right!

Pretty outfit after getting ready in the bathroom (note: I have a sweet feathery thing in my hair, but it's hard to see).

Part of a set of Christmas cards for sale at the art auction at the MHGS Christmas Party ("You must be shorter than my hand to ride the Heaven Funland Kiddie coaster...No sneaking in on your knees you two! You can't fool me, after all, I am Jesus!")

MHGS lobby decorated for Christmas!

You can't see very much - but the sound is great! MHGS hired the same Starbucks quartet to sing at the party that I posted about a few months ago! They rocked it

This one is for you, Dad! See if you can recognize the song.

The nativity set on the hutch in our living room at the House of Love.

Our Seattle-style Christmas tree! Natalie is so smart - it's a gathered set of branches in a big flower pot with lights and ornaments. So what if it looks like the Charlie Brown Christmas tree? It's awesome!